goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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