Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
