if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
