i was born a porn star she said
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just sucked dick on a ferry