she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.