dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
