We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
