I wish my penis had an off switch
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?