So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight