Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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