At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We left an ass print on the piano.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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