dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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