dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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