You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
