Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The best revenge is premature balding
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
