I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my sisters under your porch take her home
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
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I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
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We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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