A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
