Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
