Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
