what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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