Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
