Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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