..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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