Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
