I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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