Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
barbara walters just said penis...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
