But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
