Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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