Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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