Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
