could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
