Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
