i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
