He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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