i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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