my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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