omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
