is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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