dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
