Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
