my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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