I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
