Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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