you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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