I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
