Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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