Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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