my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
