I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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