Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
