those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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