Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
All the doctor said was why
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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