Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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