I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
