well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
