can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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