he puts the penis in happiness.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
