apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
