how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
