alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
