Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
