Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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