wat bout pragnant strippers??
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she looked like the before picture.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
