I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
