Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
