i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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