So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
