but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize